Birth Rate Breakdown? Why It's Better for Society (and Couples) to Have Children | S7 E36

Does starting a family means giving up your dreams—or does it actually unlock a richer, more fulfilling life?

Chris and Richelle Alessi open up about their own leap into parenthood, tackling the fears, cultural pressures, and surprising joys that come with having children. Using real-life stories—like trading dream vacations for unforgettable family moments—they weigh in on America’s declining birth rate and how embracing family can actually boost your career, happiness, and even your finances.

Get ready to challenge the idea that kids hold you back, as the Alessis reveal how their son Marino transformed their marriage, daily routine, and sense of legacy.

You'll discover why God’s design for having children and starting families isn’t just good for the economy and society —it’s the secret to a genuinely abundant life. 

Tune in for inspiration, encouragement, and some much-needed truth about what family can really mean.

Watch the CBS Mornings story on the declining US birth rate

Chapters

• 0:00 Coming Up In This Episode
• 0:44 Text TFB
• 1:50 Are Birth Rates In Decline?
• 3:20 Children Are A Blessing
• 7:49 There Is No 'Ready'
• 17:19 You Don't Know What You're Missing

Transcript

0:00

And then for the last couple of weeks, Marino started doing the hand motions and dancing. A random Monday morning becomes so wonderful Yeah. Because we're watching our boy learn and grow. Hello, and welcome to a fun episode of the family business with the Alessis. It is Chris Alessi here, and I'm here with my wife, Rochelle Alessi. And there's a very good chance that we are interrupted by our son, Marino, who, was just making things very fun for us here in the podcast booth. Before we dive into our topic today, which is going to be quite fun, you know, if you wanna get text updates from our family, text family to (302) 524-0800 just to stay in the loop, and we wanna thank you for subscribing to this channel. We have over 5,500 YouTube subscribers, and that number's just they continue to go up. So thank you for joining that. And, hey, you know what? Give us a rate on, a rating on Apple Podcasts, anywhere that you listen to this podcast because we've actually got about a 40 right now on Apple. So we'd love to see that number go up as well just so we know how our family can continue to bless your family. But today, that's actually kinda what we're talking about. We're talking about family. You wanna say hi to everybody before we dive in? Hi, everybody. I'm happy to be here again with you. We did a couple, an episode a couple weeks back, and we're back doing this together. So Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm just a member of the family business, but Rochelle is a member of my morning devotional. Yeah. That's right. You're in more podcasts than me. That's pretty cool. That's oh, wow. That's actually true. Yeah. And you said the other day, I don't listen to any podcast, so that's just interesting. But, we're actually responding to something that we've been talking about a lot as of late. For whatever reason, it's just been kinda on our heart. And, CBS News actually picked this kind of thing up, And something that we're just talking about as a family somehow is becoming, a kind of a national issue, and that is the birth rate. Yeah. People are having less and less kids, and so they've actually seen a trend over in Japan, just to give everybody kind of a breakdown. But in Japan, they've actually seen all of the businesses stop catering to families and start catering to single people, like karaoke for one, bars or drink nights for individuals. They've actually started to cater to individuals, and it's gotten so bad because they're not even getting married. It's gotten so bad that the actual government has created its own dating app and is doing everything they can to get people together because at some point, even our economics as a country is affected by the birth rate, by marriage rate. People somehow, in pursuit of money and a better career, are hurting their money and their career by not having kids. How crazy is that? So it's interesting. So we wanna dive into this topic a little bit. You know, it's been on our heart. But before we, I guess, go into some of the political aspects of it and all of that, What what were you thinking when you watched the video of, NBC News? Well, it was interesting because for us, it's not a question to have kids, but I do remember a day where the idea of kids was scary. Yeah. I mean, it's something that does change your life. And as a single person or even when you get married, because of the type of society that we live in, where it's very career focused, very, it's about kind of you. Like, what are you making of yourself? How are you bettering yourself? What's for you? It's so focused on you that we now the idea of having a child, it's like, it shakes your world completely. And even though there's truth to that, you know, we're not gonna lie in saying that when, you know, Marina came into the world, everything was the same. Everything changed. Nothing was the same. But I don't think people talk enough about that change and how beautiful that change is. Yeah. And I think what we should do in this podcast besides also talking about all the political opinions and even what we think is just share a little bit of our experience of all the great things that do come with having children, and they're not talked about enough. And, I think it's because if we talk about it enough, everybody's gonna want a child because children really do change your life, but for the better. So hear me out on this, Freddie, because I'm just processing this out, but I think it's true. I think this article proves God's existence. Yeah. I think this article directly proves God's existence, and I would say that because, you know, man is pursuing success, pursuing, a glowing career, pursuing money. That's very clear. You know? Pursuing a certain level of recognition and pride, wanting to be seen as somebody who can accomplish things. You know? Some of the women who don't wanna have kids, they they we were even reading some of the comments, and people are like, why do I need to be validated by kids? Well, it seems like they're seeking validation outside of that. They wanna be seen as a career woman. There's nothing wrong with that, but it just proves that there's a desire to be successful. Yeah. Right? And yet, somehow, the desire to be successful has made us, as a people in America, get to the place where the government's about to have to step in and say, in order to be successful, we need you guys to have families. That's crazy because it shows that God's way kind of a governance Yeah. Which is through the family, they'll be fruitful and multiply of it all, is not just for the betterment of the individual, but for the nation. Yeah. It's it's it's interesting that God's way is proven here, that when people pursue validation outside of God's way, which is people, there is no true success. And you would look at America and say, man, there's a lot of money here. There's a lot this going on. There's a lot of that. This is a this is a successful nation. But in reality, the government's like, we need families Mhmm. Which is apparently one of the largest ways of indicating economic success. So they've actually found, links between the amount of children you have and the increase of household income. Wow. So now the first person would look at that and say, okay. The more kids you have, that means you need two people at home. You need two people to work. But that that logic doesn't make any sense. So to explain, they would say, oh, that statistic is only proven because the more kids you have, you need both the man and the woman to go work. So that would that's why the income would go up. It's actually no. The more family members born into a family, the less likely it is for a woman to have a full time job, which means God apparently puts his hand on growing families, and he helps take care of those needs. So all of it does come down to fear and ultimately just doing it God's way. Yeah. And so we can get into that, but the part that we really have been talking about was kind of processing our life through a fear we had right before we started trying to have kids. And it was the season of us being married, the season of just you and me, that time where it was just you, me, in the house, that that time where we could travel Yeah. Where things were cheap. I'm not gonna say kids are cheap because they are not, but that's gonna be over. Sorry for the yawn. And we were, like, so nervous that, oh my gosh. Once we get pregnant, everything shifts. But now we sit here. We celebrate our son's second birthday pretty soon. Yeah. And we could not envision our life without a child right now. Yeah. So what were we saying in the car about that yesterday? So we we just were talking about how, I was processing because in my I like to plan things. And so when it's almost like you think you can plan a child into your life and then that you you have a child and all of us thrown away, and you're like, oh my gosh. I really don't control anything. I really just have to really do it God's way. I have to, you know, have accountability and and just enjoy it. But my our my biggest thing that I would tell you all the time was, you know, I'm just I'm I'm afraid that once we have a baby, everything's gonna change. It's not just you and me anymore. And we had gotten married. We were together before having a baby, like, a year and a half. And we had said at a year, we'll talk about it. And then a year came, and I was like, I'm not ready. And then a year and a half came, and I loved that you were like, it's not about being ready. It's just is this what we want for our family? And, the when we talked about it, I just now having Marino, to me, that's a silly thought now. It was just like, what was I thinking? But I just didn't know it because I didn't have the experience, but I'm so glad that we said no. We are going to have a family. We are going to multiply. And when Marino came into our lives, yeah, our life changed, and we can do certain things we used to do. But I don't necessarily miss those things because I think we graduated past those things. And now it's time for us to focus in our family unit, and Marino's just made our life better. Everything's really more fun. Yes. Things do change, but you adjust to your season. And the biggest thing for me even yesterday was because of social media and everything that we get to see, you have an unrealistic view of what would happen if you have kids or don't have kids. Because you see all these people traveling and going everywhere and having the dream trip. All because they don't have kids. All because they don't have kids. So they can just get up and go to Italy and and go to all these places and just do everything. And you think the moment I have a child, I'm not gonna be able to have adventures anymore. I'm I'm gonna have to stay home or I'm gonna have to sacrifice my career, and I I wanted to do something. But what I have found is that all those things that I wanted, if those are desires of your heart, in due time, God will bring those to pass. But that is sacrificing your family. Mhmm. And having those things are great, but you're gonna be able to do all those things when your kids are older. Yeah. And even for us, going on a trip now, maybe we can't go skiing because, you know, Marino can't do that. I don't even wanna go skiing. But can I tell you, we can still go do things as a family and have adventure as a family and do first time do things for the first time with our family? Well, that's a that's a good point because you made a statement about there are things we can't do. And the reality is is even the semantics of that aren't true. With kids, we replace those things. Yeah. So for instance, one of the things that funny story we were talking about is that you were really wanting to go to Italy. Yeah. And so in that second year of marriage, because for our first year anniversary, we decided to go back to your homeland first Yep. Just catch up with family. That was really cool. For our second, we were like, you know what? We'll go to Italy. And October was cheaper, so we're like, you know what? We'll we'll go Yes. We'll save, and we'll go in October, but it'll be for our second anniversary. Yeah. I started to not like that idea, and it was really because of my understanding of traveling as a family. Mhmm. Because my family experience was, even with kids, my parents took us everywhere. Yeah. Everywhere they went, they brought us with us. They did not stop their schedule traveling or not because of kids. We did not have a bedtime. We were with our parents. We lived our life with our parents. It's how it went. So when we went to Europe, we went as a family. Yeah. So the idea of going to Europe, just you and me, I was like, I can't possibly provide the whole experience of Italy for you by myself. Yeah. We gotta go with our family. And you were like, you don't wanna travel alone with me? I'm thinking, am I boring? Am I not enough? You don't think that you and I would just have fun? Like, we can't do something like that. No. Listen. Like, the things that you do over there with family, it's even more fun. So finally, we end up kinda making the shift. But you had this dream trip Yes. To Italy. Yeah. We even saw, like, these pictures that these influencers post of these restaurants overlooking the water, and it's this romantic date. And it, like, you look at that and say, with a kid, I can't do that. Yeah. And you're not wrong. But we ended up going to Italy last year. Yeah. This year. Last year. Last year. And what was even better than anything we could have experienced going alone was this little picture that we'll we'll put on the podcast. This little picture of Marino at a little, crappy little pizza joint with a big old napkin stuffed in his shirt so he wouldn't get pizza all over the outfit we had just bought it, it was so much better than the picture of the romantic dates on the water. Yes. And it was the find that picture. The whole idea of I and I say this to you, and say, god just knew, and I am so happy. But how this whole thing ended up happening is that we had planned that trip for October. You say no. So then I go to plan a different trip, and I was, like, happy about it, but not really because that was not, like, what I really wanted, but, you know, we went with it. And then this whole trip is finding out. And two weeks before our trip, I find out that I'm pregnant with Marino. And I was so sick. The moment I found out I was pregnant, it was, like, nonstop nausea, like, all the pregnancy symptoms. I got it all, and I had them for a long time. And four days before that trip, you say, hey. Do you really want to go? And I'm like, Chris, no. I don't. Please, I'm so sorry. Cancel everything. I cannot imagine being on a plane or in the airport feeling this way. So, thankfully, it was within The States, so we got our money back. Everything was fine. But then a year and a half later, we get to two years later. Right? We get the opportunity to go, and we did it as a family. We went with your parents and Lauren, and Lauren had a super cool experience over there, and she shared it with us. But we were bringing Marino. And for me, my son, our son, he loves to eat. If you know Marino, he's obsessed with food. He and he loves pasta and pizza and steak. So when we get to Italy, this boy enjoyed food so much. Here's a picture of it. Yeah. You he just This is so much better. So much better. It was the best. It it was so much better, and he made the trip fun. Yes. I needed nap time. So two hours of the day, I either had to go back to the hotel or slow down. And that's how I like to vacation anyway. It's true. That is how you like to vacation. But the point was that we just needed to adjust to our season And it was not a lesser one just because we have kids. Just adjust to your season. Put the right expectations to your season, and they make the best of it. So we knew with him, we had to go to parks. And seeing Marino in the streets of Florence chasing birds was so fun. Marino eating ice cream three times a day. He was in such a good mood because we were happy and our happiness really our joy, like, just exploded within our family. And even having that experience with your parents and having that experience with Lauren and the things that she did, that was such a memorable trip that if we talk about the trip, it was it almost doesn't feel real. But it was because at the right time, we didn't let a baby stop us, and he just He actually made the trip better. He made the trip better. And the thing is, the mindset that says kids will get in the way of my life, of my career Mhmm. That mindset is also living for paychecks, recognition, and vacations. Yeah. But in reality, the mundane of life Mhmm. Has been so much more fun Yeah. Because of our our kid. Yeah. I mean, the things that he does while we're at home to make a random Tuesday night the most fun. Looking out right now of this screen and seeing Ashley, I do that all the time. We film audiobooks in here. We film pocket. I see her all the time. To see Marino lounging up against her right now brings tears to my eyes. We're singing kids songs constantly. Yes. And then over the last couple of weeks, Marino started doing the hand motions and dancing. A random Monday morning becomes so wonderful Yeah. Because we're watching our boy learn and grow. There are so many times we're at home, and we're like, all I wanna do is watch TV. And he's running around, and he's being loud, and we're like, oh my god. All I wanna do can you sit for a second? But then he goes and he grabs a book, and he runs over, and he goes, dah dah dah. Yeah. And you're like, what would my Monday night look like without that? Yeah. How much more Netflix can I really watch? Yeah. And it is crazy because every cliche about parenting is so true. Mhmm. The minute you and I finally get some alone time and we're going to dinner, it does it's two or three minutes before we think. You think he's doing okay? I know. I mean, it's absurd. And and, Alan, you'll like this one, but and this is not to be mean to anybody without children. It really isn't. It's just the reality. I heard this quote the other day from Josh Peck, from Drake and Josh. Josh Peck said, God is gracious to not let non parents know what they're missing out on. So when they look at their life and they don't have kids, they they can't possibly understand how great it is, how fulfilling it is. And it's almost like the Lord allows that to happen because knowing just how wonderful it is to have children. Yeah. And the way that they make the everyday minute of life so fun and fulfilling. Yes. Every once in a while, I've gotta clean up the nastiest car seat. Yes. Every once in a while, you know, I don't think I own anything without bite marks in it. Like, yes. Every even the shirt you're wearing now has stains on it from five minutes before we walked in here Yep. Perfect. That have nothing to do with you. Yep. Yes. That that is all true, but there's a reason that when couples have been trying and haven't been successful, there's a reason it it begins to to hurt deeply. There's a reason we'll come together and pray for those couples and say, lord, give them a baby. There's a reason those couples will turn to adoption and say, it's because children are God's way. Yeah. It's God's it's the most wonderful and beautiful thing. There is nothing when you read scripture that's anti marriage, and there's nothing when you read scripture that's anti family. And even the verses people might pull up, well, you know, Paul said it's better to be single. Go understand context before you say Paul was anti marriage because marriage and family is god's way. It's it's his way, and we're seeing it play out in economics. We're seeing it affect the economics of otherwise incredible countries. Do you know what I hear is one of the most amazing countries to go visit? Japan. I hear it's insane. It's amazing. And yet they're like, we won't be able to keep this going if people don't start getting married and have kids. Wow. And it makes sense on a legacy front because, you know, you were talking about those people that just have a negative opinion of kids. What if their parents thought that way? Yeah. What if your parents were too afraid to have a kid or your parents thought, oh, shoot. If I if I have a kid, it's gonna ruin my life. I can't I can't be a career person if I have a kid. What tell me what career legacy really gets passed down? Mhmm. You know? It's funny. My dad talked about this in a podcast a while back. Shut me up at some point and say something. But, like, Kmart was too big to fail, and then it failed, and it's gone. Yep. What like, there will be a world without Amazon at some point, but our family's legacy continues through children. Yeah. It's crazy. It's beautiful. And when you talk about legacy, because we're big about legacy. And, you know, I always heard it. And to somewhat and I believed in it. Right? And I still do. But when I had Marino, it changed me. Because now I it was like, I was you live for yourself, and that's not wrong because you you have to. You you're growing. You're bettering yourself. When you're a teenager, a young adult, you are trying your best to be your best self for somebody else one day. But once you get the gift to having your husband and then having your kids, it's really not about you anymore. And that's okay. That's actually a great thing because that means thing. That now you get to work with your family and bettering your family. But it actually what was for me was now I needed to live more intentional. And now it was not just about everything being perfect, but how am I doing things for the betterment of my family and for the future. And it was like I had never thought of the future so much more and how every little decision I made will affect my future for our future family. But it is a beautiful thing because you do see God's provision. You see God's grace and his abundance in it all Yeah. And his timing. And it was almost like, yes, you're always gonna have a little bit of fear before you enter a season because you've never been there before. You don't know what it feels like. It's an unknown. But don't let the fear and the unknown keep you from it because God truly is gonna meet you on the other side and have everything you need. Mhmm. Through people, through your family, He's gonna speak to you. You're gonna know. And there's let's be honest. There are hard moments with kids. You know, we're only the parents of almost a two year old, so we don't know what a four, a five, or a six year old, or a teenager three or four of them. Or what three or four of them will, you know, feel like. But what I've learned in the short two years that we've had is that it's really if you do it God's way, he's there. And he provides everything you need to help raise that child right. Yeah. And in return, you really live a full life. Like, Marino's made our life full. Yeah. It's it there's never there's hard moments, and you just pivot and you change and you learn, but you don't remember. You don't live in the hardness of it. He's made our marriage more loving. Yes. So the same way whenever I perform a wedding, I talk about that ring being a reminder of the oath that they make, the vow that they make. Every time I see that son, I think of everything you had to fight through, both physically and emotionally, to bring that son to me. Everything that you have to do, because I could not take care of him alone. You are so much better prepared to take care of him. And I'm an involved dad. I we've talked about it in past podcast. But still, you every time I see him, I go, my wife gave him to me. Of course, god gave, but, like, you know what I mean? Like, it's made our marriage more loving. Our son is obsessed with getting Rochelle and I to hug and kiss. He's obsessed with it. We'll be sitting on the couch watching the show, and we'll be there's, like, a foot in between us. And he'll come and he'll grab your neck, and he'll come over and he'll try to grab mine, and he'll be like, sit close. Yes. He's made our marriage more loving. And so the even the idea of, like, oh, you know, we're gonna fight all the time because the kid's always crying. Guys, kids can be figured out. Yep. And if you come at it and think, why is the kid crying? Let's stop. It's actually opportunities for you to look at your spouse. You were saying the other day, Marina was throwing a fit, and so my dad voice came in and shut the whole thing down. Yes. And you're like, what would I do without that voice? Yeah. So that's a moment where even you I'm just speaking for you, and I'll speak to mine. But, like, you go, oh my gosh. Thank god I have him. Yep. And there are so many times where I cannot get Marino to chill. And then all of a sudden, mom comes around and hugs him, and he relaxes. And I go, what would I do without her? It's made our marriage even that more loving. So there are opportunities to actually see the value of our spouse. Yeah. Our son has given us opportunities to even value each other more. And then there's such a special thing when you see your spouse and your and your kid. Yeah. When I see it makes me, like, wanna cry because when I see certain aspects of Marino and I I say this, he's always been very similar to to me. Right? But when he is social, like, let's say his 30% social self comes out. He's a % you. In that in that 30% you. He's talking and he doesn't stop. He loves people. I told you the other day, I went and dropped him off from the kids' ministry. He didn't even look back. He just went right in. He knew his friends. He knew his people, and he walks around our church building, closing doors. He knows this building. Like, he he just knows every corner, but it's when you see that and then you see the family legacy, it's just it's different. And then when he certain, faces he makes, and I just see you, Marino's hair, the back of his head, and yours are the same. And it's so cute. The same size too. He's got a he's got a melon. He's he's a big boy. But seeing that it's so beautiful to see each other in him And all of that would be robbed if we would have given into that fear. In that fear. And, if you put all of that into one bucket, it so outweighs Yes. Another year of just being married, the two of us. It so outweighs another trip we could take. Because even the trips that we have taken when we've taken them to Jackson Hole, we've taken them to Italy, we get to see them all bundled up for the cold weather. He loved it. All of that. So so here's what we know from this podcast. It's better for the individual to have kids. Yeah. Statistics show your household income goes up because your capacity grows. Yeah. Statistics show that there is a point at which it would benefit the economy to grow families, and it hurts the economy to not grow families. And the points that we've also made, though, is that the individual's life is actually more fulfilling. Yes. And every cliche is true, and it's a cliche for a reason. That every moment with our son, and we can't wait to give him a a sibling now. Yeah. Like, now and I understand, by the way, why why parents of only children or whatever parents, they speak of the firstborn differently. Like, it makes total sense because they'll be like, we had to give him a sister. And it's like, well, wait a minute. It's not like she's a gift to him. It's another kid. It's an individual, like a full but we do look at Marino and go, man. We gotta get him a sibling. He he loves Matthew, his cousin. He's obsessed with him. They love each other so much. And so sometimes when they leave, I feel so sad because I'm like, he just loves being with them. But, you know, we also have to acknowledge one thing, and that is that everybody comes from a different background. My family background is very different than your family background. The reason why you could understand the let's wait to do this as a family is because you understood the experience Of the family. Of the family. I didn't because my experience wasn't the same. So to say this, if you're listening and you have a background like Chris's or like mine are completely different, Don't let that or use that as an excuse to keep you from experiencing really your full life. Yeah. Just get around good families. Get around if you're like, look. I was not modeled a happy family. My family was dysfunctional. I experienced so many things as as a kid that I don't even know that I could do that. I don't think I would be able to be a parent. I never had a good parent, and so I can't provide that. Don't let that or your background or your history keep you from what God has laid out in scripture for you. Get around healthy families. Honestly, if you have to do if you have to go and tell them, hey. Look. I had I've I've this wasn't modeled in my home. I wanna get around yours. Teach me. Because this is something that you can do with intentionality. Yeah. This is not something that just flows through and it's natural. This is something you choose to do. And so it's almost like get around healthy families, see how they do things, go with them, experience some of those things. And when you find the right person to marry and both of you decide to do things God's way, your backgrounds don't matter. No. And From there on, it's your choices with God and getting around the right people, and you can have such a beautiful life that's, like, God given. Our children, our child, has forced us to make healthier decisions. Yes. We've become healthier versions of ourselves because we've stepped up into having a family. So if you're watching this like Rochelle said, we would just encourage you to have faith. Yeah. Trust. Trust. Trust God. Step into that season. God knows what you need, and his way is the family. That's why it's the family biz it's God's way, and so we love it. Thank you again for joining us for another episode of the family business. We hope you enjoyed this one. We hope you can send it to somebody that might need to hear it. We pray you've been blessed up to this point. Thanks for tuning in with the family business. You've just enjoyed another episode of the family business podcast with the Alessis, and we can't thank you enough for being a part of our podience today. Now that you've learned more about us, here's how you can join in in the family business. First, make sure you're following our our podcast right now and download this episode so you can hear it at any time. Second, think of someone you know that might need or enjoy this episode and share it with them. You'll be helping them and helping us to spread the word about the family business. Third, go to alesseefamilybusiness.com and tap the ask the a lessee's button. This is really cool. You can use it to record a voicemail comment or question, and we can add your voice to our conversations. Finally, while you're on our page, tap the reviews tab and you'll see a link to leave a review on Apple Podcasts. We love reading your reviews, and we might even share them on the show. Thanks again for joining us, and we'll see you next time at the Family Business with the Alessis, because family is everybody's business.